Ah Insomnia ... Now Where's McWheat?

I’m having an interesting brain wave lately, something just plain clicking and sending me spiralling off in some random thought pattern that defies some forms of logic unless you think the same way I do … twisted and sick.

Insomnia has been plaguing me for some time now that it’s actually getting to the point where I’m up for at least a day on end now for what appears to be no reason at all. I can even take sleeping pills at double the dosage and still be like “WTF why am I not sleeping?” Granted things are known the cause trouble going to sleep but with the way this has been going I might as well be detached from reality and sitting in a padded cell waiting for General Frosty McWheat to show up. If you don’t know who Frosty McWheat is I may elaborate on him at some other time but for now let’s just say you’re better off not knowing.

I will say it’s an interesting feeling after a while of random sleep patterns, walking around feeling like one is floating in the clouds and dreamy but still somewhat connected to the world around them. I find it to be a strange feeling, interesting but I’m not getting anything done in this state. My memory functions in an odd way to the point where you could hold a whole conversation with me and I’d retain absolutely nothing unless it sounded interesting to me or was helping my train of thought.

One of the other problems with this state is I become easily prone to a variety of suggestions, some of it just gets bizarre at this point and some people have gotten me to do some rather odd things and I’m going to omit the details on the grounds that it best be left unsaid lest anyone like to repeat the acts of pain I’ve inflicted upon others. It’s interesting to see how people react when faced with the idea of cause and effect and in this state the outcome intrigues me far more for some suggestions that I’ll do things without a second thought … or even a first as has been the case before. Sometimes it’s all the more interesting to see moral dilemmas unfold with people and then you can sit back and have a good laugh as they hash it out in their heads. That’s the kind of thing I lose when I’m in the suggestive state … morality, but I do know the difference between a good idea and a bad one and will stick to the fundamentals of the perceived right and wrong from my stand point as getting arrested isn’t fun.

The fun part is that insomnia is listed as a symptom of some [usually] underlying mental problem someone has. One of those problems I thought was kind of amusing was schizophrenia and another being anxiety, both of which made me go “DUH!” Someone either of these things would be hard pressed to be able to sleep since one gives you a range of mental problems which includes multiple personality disorder. The other just makes you worry about everything under the sun and god forbid the collection people come the next morning for that bill you got in the mail today. Since I have neither I’m a bit limited in what could be wrong with me … or what’s right, either way. The only thing I can really do at this point is wait it out like I’ve been doing the last few years and hope for the best.

Man it's been a while...

I always feel bad when I look at my toolbar and see the icon for this blog and I feel bad that I really don't have much to say. I guess it's because I feel I should be posting something of substance on here. Other times I have to remind myself that blogging (and to a greater extent Twittering) was created to tell people about every little that you are thinking or doing, regardless of it's relevance to... well anything. So with that in mind here are some things.

I do not like to pack, it's not like it is really hard for me. I rarely have that much furniture to move. The problem is that I like to get stuff done when I can so this often results in having half my stuff packed weeks in advance, and the other half packed a few days before the move. I'm not sure if this is normal as I have never really been involved in any large scale (such as a family and the contents of a house) so I can't really be sure if this is a problem.

Either way I will soon be at my new apartment, and for those of you that don't know it I will living with my girlfriend of 3 years (4 years in October). When I first brought up this idea to my friends and coworkers I got a lot of unexpected responses. The stereotypical reply I always assumed would be that this is a bad idea, kills the romance, etc... But most of the people I have talked to, namely those that already see their girlfriends on a regular (day to day) basis or basically live with them anyway, thought this was all well and good. I was pleasantly surprised by these responses.

Now to the festering meat of what has been occupying my thoughts lately. For those of your I have not already excitedly told, I am working on writing a book. I say I am working on writing it because at this point that is about as far as I have gotten. I am stilling mapping out the events of the story. This is taking some time, since basically the first 2/3 of the story are based on the events of an online roleplaying game I was a major player in, and the last third is of my own creation. I could go on and on about why this is the case but that is another post/rant altogether mostly cause it deals with a lot of stuff outside that particular game. None the less I am still using the events of the game before it basically ended and as such I am constantly pouring through the posts of the game to make sure I am covering the points of the story I wanted to cover.

I have ideas for how I want the conclusion to go but the more I talk about them I realize they are just that, ideas, often scattered and disjointed from a form that resembles storytelling. Part of the problem is my own. really all the problem is my own, but that too is not the point. I am used to taking the fragmented and random ideas that pop into my head and using my friends as a sounding board to help me sort them out and in this case I am trying to do this basically on my own, using my friends for final editing. In short, I want to write this book myself. Not so much to be able to claim credit, but mostly to prove to myself that I can.

I have over the course of my life had many ideas for stories (mostly short ones) but never had the patience or care to work them out into something resembling a proper story. With this I want to see if I can follow this through to the end. I may or may not bother with ever publishing this thing, but if I can get to that point then I will have made my point to myself. This is something I am doing with my spare time, it's not my job, I won't delude myself for a minute into thinking that I could write for a living, but for me it is something I want to do and hopefully that will be enough.

So long for now, I may try and get my other rant up soon.