The Mall Files, part one

It's clear by now that I work in a shopping mall yes? Good. Now let's be clear, my jobs at the mall generally keep me pretty isolated from the general population. Modern teenagers are borderline illiterate unless sparkly vampires are involved somewhere. So help me god I heard a teenage girl talk scornfully about another girl saying “She reads like... four books a month.” Possibly the figure was less than four. But... alas. The unwashed masses are idiots, we already knew that. So I generally don't get the full “mall experience” since I'm safely tucked away in Borders.

But, on the other hand, I work closing shifts, sometimes even on Friday nights. Now, I'm not exactly sure why, but Friday nights are the worst. Hordes of teenagers descend upon the mall. They walk the mall in packs, the smallest in groups of 4-5 ranging to groups of around 30. If only I was joking. God how I hate them. Saturdays aren't as bad... still awful... but not nearly as bad. The little bastards arrive far earlier. I've learned, on Friday the very first teens are there around 1530, around 1700 they begin to arrive in force, by 1800 no sane adults remain. I know for a fact that there are groups that do nothing but pace the mall and who have no money to buy anything. Maybe a bottle of soda, maybe.

So modern teenagers are fucking retarded. Twilight proves it, modern “music,” and oh god the clothing. Who the fuck lets a young man out of the house wearing a black latex dress liberally coated with chains? Now, I've got no problems with the fetish scene, shit I don't even have problems with a man in drag. Even in public. (I've been to Provincetown. I may be a racist but I've got nothing against people with different sexual orientation from me) HOWEVER, as with most things I'm tolerant about. I'll tolerate it or ignore it in adults. In a kid who is probably not even in Highschool? Nope. I don't give a shit about tolerance. Dress like you care about yourself and maybe one day want a job. Going out dressed in latex is great if you're heading to a club, not when you're going to the mall or out to eat or nearly anywhere else.

To my mind, if you're going to leave the house, you should dress like you want to be respected. Now, I'm almost always in business casual even if I have black jeans rather than proper slacks. Sure, that's not always necessary... but if you go out to shop or out to eat in shit that belongs in a fetish club? Barely even deserve contempt. Same with wearing your pants around your knees, same with a girl wearing what amounts to panties and calling them shorts. I won't treat you like a slut or expect you to act like one just because you dress like one... but to my mind you don't respect yourself and I really don't feel the need to show you anything other than contempt.

You know, I can get over the fact that teens are retarded, dress and act like idiots, and generally don't even deserve my time. I like to bitch about it, but I can get over it. What I can't get over is the parents. Yeah... dropping your kid off at the mall with 20 bucks for food or what the fuck ever and then driving off... that's good parenting. Sure, the fuckers are driving away all of the mall's legitimate business and don't buy a damn thing... we love to look after them.

I work there, I talk to parents and other adults on Friday nights. More than once I've made a point of asking why they would come on Friday night. Most express shock and fear at conditions inside. The majority vow never to come back again on a Friday. That's not right. No one over the age of say, 23, likes going to the mall on that night. 'least no one I've ever spoken with. That fucking sucks for everyone involved.

The real issue here, is the parents. If parents stayed with their kids they wouldn't cause problems. Wouldn't fight (although the fights are goddamn HILARIOUS! Ever seen a couple of 12 year olds have a messy break up fight? I wanted popcorn!) or make a mess out of the place. But no, that's too much like work. So they just drive up to the door at around 6, drop the kids off, and come back around 9. Fuckers. Can't stand to look after your kids? Use protection, get an abortion, just don't have the fucking kids. You obviously shouldn't have had them. Yes, your teenage bastards are annoying, I know that better than you. Act like an adult and keep an eye on them.

Here's a newsflash, I'm paid less than ten dollars an hour. I am NOT paid well enough to be a babysitter. I'm also not going to go out of my way to look after your kids. At all. You want to look around and send your (young) kids into the kids section at Borders? Go ahead, but let's be very clear. Pedophiles do hang out at malls, sometimes even work there (bastards. I'm fine with a whole lot of fetishes amongst consenting adults. That's the key, consenting adults). Yeah, we've had that, luckily the police caught him. If you don't want to look after your kids, you shouldn't have had any. And really, if your kids are younger than say, 14-15 and you're dropping them off at the mall unsupervised then I really would like to talk to Social Services about you. And that does happen.

See, I know the security guys, they're great people. Understaffed as hell, underpaid, and definitely unappreciated. One of them told me his goal is to see at least one teen leave the mall in handcuffs every single Friday night. Most weeks he succeeds. I shake his hand for this and congratulate him. It's rather amusing to see kids get escorted out and given anything from a six month ban to a lifetime ban. And if the little fucks are young enough (and sometimes they are) DSS gets involved. Those nights make me smile, I may not usually be a witness but it does please me!

I hate your kids, they get injured? I laugh. They get arrested and I cheer. They aren't my responsibility and with all the shit they do I more than hate them. Cut this shit out and act like fucking adults. Take care of your responsibilities. Oh, and to the parents to braved a FUCKING BLIZZARD to drop their kids off at the Mall (which did in fact close early because of how bad conditions were) and leave them with us. FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKERS! I want you to die, slowly, in a car fire hopefully.